The 12 FF7 Days of Christmas
by Haryuu no Hanekata
Summary: It's a little late, but please read and review anyway. Thanks!


Disclaimer: I dun own dem FF characters...kay?  
  
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The 12 Final Fantasy Days of Christmas  
  
starring your favorite FF7 characters!!  
  
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Audience: (deadpan) Yay.  
  
Authoress: I knew you'd be excited!! Let's get this show on the road! *kicks the hidiously-decorated stereo in the background and stands in front of the FF characters assembled to sing*  
  
Stereo: Hit me baby, one more time!!  
  
Authoress: AERIS!!! I said 'The Twelve Days of Christmas'!! Not Brittany Shears!!  
  
Aeris: Spears.  
  
Authoress: Whatever. I'm glad you die. Very glad. Now get in line. NOW.  
  
Aeris: Humph!! *gets in line only to be tripped by Authoress*  
  
Authoress: Heh heh...Okay! Now for the Twelve Days of Christmas!!  
  
Stereo: *plays the old, cheesy Christmas tune*  
  
CID: On the first $#%^ing day of Christmas, my true love (who ISN'T that %$^&# Sherra!!) gave to me...A high-powered flying airship. *mumbles expelatives under his breath while smoking*  
  
CLOUD: *in a surprisingly good voice* On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me... two tubs of hair gel! *whips out a comb and mirror and does his hair*  
  
Cid: And a high-powered flying airship....%$^^^#$!@#!!!  
  
YUFFIE: *wobbles onto stage, does her trademark punchy...thingy* On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...three huge materia! (Yeah baby! I mean...I'm clean, I swear!!)  
  
Cloud: Two tubs of hairgel.  
  
Cid: And a high-powered flying airship....#^^&#@...  
  
BARRETT: *in a really low, Barry White-esque singing voice* On da forph day uh Christmas, mah true homie-home-boy-g-dawg gave tah MEEEEEEEEEEE....four replacement gun-arms. (You go, dawg!)  
  
Yuffie: Three huge materia! (I wonder how much I'll get for these...)  
  
Cloud: Two tubs of hairgel...Only two?!  
  
Cid: And a high-%^*@ing powered flying airship.  
  
AERIS: *growling at Authoress* On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love *waves to Cloud* gave to me...*looks at paper* Five deaths by Sephie?!?!  
  
*omnious Latin chorus begins to play. Aeris looks around nervously. Sephiroth stands in the back- ground, holding the stereo hostage*  
  
Stereo: Help! I mean...*plays more Christmas music like nothing's happening*  
  
Barrett: Four replacement gun-arms...foo!!  
  
Yuffie: Three huge materia!  
  
Cloud: Two tubs of hairgel. *puts hands on hips in trademark Cloud stance*  
  
Cid: And a high-powered flying airship. Are we done yet?!  
  
VINCENT: *flying in from a dark corner, scowling* On the sixth day of Christmas, Lucrecia gave to me...six coffin lids. (In purple, I might add.)  
  
Aeris: *still nervous* Five...deaths by Sephie...  
  
*Sephiroth prepares to kill Aeris again. He walks away from the stereo, which sighs in relief*  
  
Barrett: Four replacement gun-arms...YO!!  
  
Yuffie: Three REEEEEEEEEELLY big huge materia.  
  
Cloud: *does Rufus hair flick...thing* Two tubs of hairgel...(Does Tifa like my hair?)  
  
Cid: We're STILL goin'?!!? #%#^#&#$^$&$^# airships!!!  
  
TIFA: *in an elven costume, for some reason* On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love *waves at Cloud, who waves back* gave to me...seven dates with Cloud!  
  
Vincent: Six coffin lids...(Thanks, Lucrecia!)  
  
Aeris: Five deaths by...Sephie...(Aren't I dead already?)  
  
Barrett: *rapping* Fo' gun-arms...YO!!  
  
Yuffie: Three HUGIE HUGE materia!  
  
Cloud: *puffs his stupid genie pants* Two tubs o' hairgel.  
  
Cid: #$$&%#^*%&%^&%&#$ AIRSHIP!!!  
  
CAIT-SITH: On the eighth day of Christmas, ya'll gave ta me...eight big fat moogles!  
  
Tifa: Seven dates with wonderful Cloud over there...  
  
Vincent: Six coffin lids...with built-in speakers...  
  
Aeris: Fiiiiiiiive....unneccesary deaths by Sephie...  
  
Barrett: *still rapping, with turntable* F-F-F-F-F-F-Fo' gun-arms....Y-Y-Y- Y-O!!!  
  
Yuffie: THREE BIG OL' FREAKIN' HUGE MATERIA...!! WHOO!!  
  
Cloud: *waves at Tifa* Two tubs of hairgel...(Should I wear my hair up or down...?)  
  
Cid: Airships...airships...one FREAKIN' airship...okay??!  
  
TSENG: *swaying uneasily back and forth* On DA ninth day O' Christmas...*hic*...mah trew luv *waves at Tifa* gave ta meh...NINE QUARTS O' BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZZEEEE!!!  
  
Cait-Sith: *shuffles away from Tseng* Eight big fat moogles...ya'll...  
  
Tifa: *smacks Tseng* Seven dates with CLOUD...Not you!!!  
  
*Tseng pouts*  
  
Vincent: Six coffin lids...with cable and AC...  
  
Aeris: Five...deaths by...someone else...besides Sephie...  
  
Barrett: *with Rude on the mic, rapping with him* Say it wit me, foo'!! FO GUN-ARMS, YO!!  
  
Yuffie: *is slightly amused by the two "rappers"* Three...*giggle* huge materia...  
  
Cloud: *raises an eyebrow, which is spiked like his hair* Two tubs of hairgel...  
  
Cid: *looks over at the rappers* WTF?!?!? One airship, and THAT'S all!!  
  
NANAKI: *almost asleep, save for the rapping in the background* On the tenth day of Christmas, my creator gave to me...ten rolling beachballs....*yawn*  
  
Tseng: Hey Tifa! Want nine quarts of boooooooooooze?  
  
Cait-Sith: *backing away* Eight moogles...that are big...  
  
Tifa: *beats Tseng with a frying pan* Seven dates with Cloud...ALONE!  
  
Vincent: Six coffin lids...with sixteen movie channels...  
  
Aeris: *spots Sephie approaching* Five...deaths...by...uh...someone else?  
  
Barrett: *has Rude and Reno now* Put yo hands in dah AIR!! FO' gun-arms!  
  
Reno and Rude: YO!!  
  
Yuffie: *still giggling* Three huge-cut, fourteen carat materia...hee hee...  
  
Cloud: *looks over at Tifa, who is beating the snot out of Tseng* Two tubs of hairgel...  
  
Cid: Are we done yet?!?! An airship! A high-powered flying' one, too!! @#$@%!!  
  
RUFUS: *appears with his dog thing whose name I don't remember* On the eleventh day of Christmas, my advisors gave to me...eleven Sister Rays. (World domination, baby!!)  
  
Nanaki: *curled up in a corner* Ten rolling beachballs.  
  
Tseng: Nine quarts of booze!! Yeah! Hey, Teef, wanna--*WHOMP*  
  
*Tifa pounds his face in with her shoe*  
  
Cait-Sith: *at a safe distance* Eight giant moogles...I'm calling my supervisors!  
  
Tifa: *is satisfied with Tseng as a bloody heap on the floor* Seven dates with Cloud! *waves*  
  
Vincent: Six coffin lids...with a DVD player...  
  
Aeris: Five...um...can I leave now?  
  
Barrett: FO' GUN-ARMS!! Put YO freekin' hands UP!!  
  
Reno and Rude: WHOOO!!  
  
Yuffie: *is talking to a pawn shop owner* How much for...I mean three huge materia!  
  
Cloud: *still doing his hair* Two tubs of hairgel...well, actually, more like one...cuz' I used one... Cid: *is in the bathroom, but can be heard* An AIRSHIP!!  
  
SEPHIROTH: *appears with trademark Latin choir* On the twelfth day of Christmas, my father, whom I loathe, gave to me...twelve masamunes! Whoo!!  
  
Rufus: *does hair swish thing* Eleven Sister Rays...  
  
Nanaki: Ten rolling beachballs...*falls asleep, until he's pegged in the head by said beachballs*  
  
Tseng: *is passed out*  
  
Cait-Sith: *on cell-phone* Yeah...yeah...and eight big fat moogles, awright?  
  
Tifa: *beaming* Seven dates with Cloud!  
  
Vincent: Six coffin lids...with a built-in bathroom, which really comes in handy...  
  
Aeris: Fiiiiiiive deaths by---ACK!! *is killed by Sephiroth*  
  
Stereo and Random Gnomes: *cheer*  
  
Barrett: *has most of the audience rapping* FO', let me tell ya', FO' gun- arms!!  
  
Reno and Rude: *doing a back-up dance* YO!!  
  
Yuffie: *counting a pile of Gil* Well...I HAD three huge materia...  
  
Cloud: Two tubs of hairgel...*walks out to go on a date with Tifa*  
  
Cid: *has toilet paper stuck to his shoe* And a high-powered flying airship! THERE, WE'RE DONE!!  
  
Audience: *cheers*  
  
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That was...*sniff*...so touching... 


End file.
